It's natural to want the best for a loved one and to offer them support in their time of need. However, when taken to an extreme, the desire to care for another person can actually become harmful for both you and the other individual.
Mental health professionals haven't developed a universal set of diagnostic criteria for codependency. However, there are some commonly accepted signs to consider.
our sense of identity is wrapped up in your partner's, friend’s, or family member’s, so it's difficult to maintain relationships or enjoy hobbies independently.
You brush off your partner's tendency to insult or belittle you. When friends speak out about your partner's abusive behavior, you defend them or shift the blame to yourself.
It's common for people to admire their partner's good qualities. However, if you're codependent, you might put your loved one on a pedestal or fail to acknowledge the flaws that everyone has.
f your partner has an addiction, for example, you might lie to other people about it, make excuses for your partner's behavior, or bail them out of trouble.
You might try to manipulate your partner into doing what you want, failing to realize the only person you can ever control is yourself. You might mistakenly believe that controlling the other person will somehow lead you to happiness.
You see it as your job to “fix” all of the other person’s problems. So, you experience guilt when you take time to focus on yourself or anything outside of the relationship.
Rather than run the risk of an argument, you might just go along with whatever the other person in the relationship says. For example, if your partner forgot to load the dishwasher but blamed it on you, you might apologize to avoid conflict.
You might clean up after your partner to earn their praise, even if it stresses you out or takes up a lot of your time. In terms of finances, you might pay all the bills even when you have similar income levels. By doing this, you stretch yourself thin while simultaneously enabling the other person.