As you consider the following 8 most-common lurking deal-breakers, ask yourself if you've allowed any to become a part of your relationships, and if they have ultimately contributed to their failures.
Lovers do not own each other. They may reasonably expect to be a high priority for the relationship’s resources but not the automatic first choice in every situation. Though the first few months of new love do promise that “always come first” expectation, life requires other situations to take precedence, and great partners feel secure during those times of understandable absence.
Too often, a person lost in the difficulties of life will attract a rescuer who comes in to help by becoming the mentor, symbolic parent, or spiritual adviser to “fix” the situation. Too often, that fixing is what the rescuer wants the other to be, not what is best for the relationship. Molding is something a person may seek from another at times, but never as payback for security.
If one partner uses bribery, threats, coercion, threatened abandonment, ghosting, gaslighting, pressure, seduction, over-talking, or any other kind of pushing to get the other partner to subscribe to a way of life that is not good for them, the result is never positive.
There are two kinds of giving, and both are fine if authentic and above board. The first is a clear transaction agreement as to what is offered and what is expected in return and agreed upon by both partners. The second is chivalry, the true one-way sacrifice that is complete within itself and requires no reciprocity.
In humans, the behavioral attachment system does not conclude in infancy or even childhood. Instead, it is active throughout the lifespan, with individuals gaining comfort from physical and mental representations of significant others (Bowlby, 1969).
romises made by any partners that they will always be there no matter what, are doomed to fail. Life choices change, demands come and go, obligations arise, conflicts go unresolved, and dreams shatter or reform.
Interesting and interested people make the most successful relationship partners because they live life so fully. A primary partner has every right to be included and informed as to what their partner thrives upon, but never to believe that relationship will fulfill all that the other needs to thrive.
New lovers often turn themselves inside out to prove to one another that they will always want the same things at the same time in the same places as the other. If one is hungry, then, of course, are as well. Sex, of course, whenever it comes up for either. Friends? Well, one has a few close ones.
New lovers live in a bubble. No one else matters and all other obligations are put on a back burner wherever and whenever possible. Within that bubble, both partners do everything they can to “blend.”