Your identity has continued evolving without her participation. Or you’re not sure anymore how he really feels, what really happens during her days, or why the distance between you seems to be growing faster than your debt.
n the beginning it was learning all about the other person and the world he inhabited up until this point without you. Later it became creating a world together. And then later, the days fill with managing that co-created world.
– We assume we know someone and so stop trying to get to know her. It’s easy to assume he still feels and thinks and fears and dreams the way he did 5, 10, 15, 50 years ago. But no one stays the same. We mature. Life grows us.
Way easier than taking the risk to share our inner feelings or ask for what we want and need.
It could be being honest about something that’s been nagging you for years, or a new part of yourself you’re just now putting into words. Ask directly for the comfort or connection you’ve longed for but stopped daring to expect
Take a cue from your early dating life in terms of playfulness. Ride the rides together at the fair. Slow dance in the kitchen. Invest in season tickets or new lingerie. Surprise her with breakfast in bed.
Set a regular date night. Put down your phones and enjoy a glass of wine together after the kids are in bed. Take vacations without other friends or family. Make time for pillow talk.
When you talk to someone about a conflict, it's natural to want to state your own case, rather than hear out the other side. But when two people do this, the conversation goes in circles.
If these tips are met with your partner’s apathy or opposition, or if you can’t even imagine how to begin putting yourself out there in these ways, please don’t hesitate to seek couple therapy assistance with rebuilding intimacy.
Your marriage is one of your most valuable investment opportunities when it comes to life satisfaction. Don’t underestimate the power you really do have to re-ignite the spark when you open yourself to sharing and receiving each other’s unique inner-light.