Children who were neglected or abandoned by a caregiver often struggle with fears of abandonment long into adulthood, even if they are unaware of these fears on the surface level
When we grow up in environments where we are frequently criticized, or witness others being criticized, we learn that this is a natural way to express our displeasure in relationships.
Growing up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment creates a lot of stress, and often leaves children’s central nervous system in a constant state of hypervigilance.
Sometimes this can look like a reluctance to rely on a partner at all due to fears of depending on another person.
When we grow up in unstable environments, with caregivers who struggle with drug addiction, mental illness, or even illness or death, children often develop a sense of guilt that comes from wanting to end a relationship
All relationships have conflict, but children who grew up in environments where caregivers were always arguing, or who avoided any sort of conflict whatsoever, often do not learn the skills necessary to have productive and healthy communication.
As mentioned above, when we do not learn how to have productive and healthy management of conflict, we also to do not know how to repair a relationship after the inevitable conflict that happens in partnerships.
This is often due to fears of being hurt again, fears of being alone, or even trying to prove that you are worthy of the love and affection that you did not receive in childhood. With each new partner comes new hopes to confirm that you are worthy of the love and partnership you are missing,
his is due to caregivers who were unreliable or abandoned you, leaving you distrustful of those who claim to care for you. If you fear that others will hurt you the way your caregivers did, avoiding settling down can feel safer as it allows you the freedom to leave the relationship when and if necessary.
his is a trauma response that comes from the belief that we need to do the best with what we have, or even the fear that we cannot do any better. Children are powerless to change who their caregivers are, so they learn to try to make do with what they have.